Shine Light Journey

For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction. -Cynthia Occelli

In 6 months, the man I thought I would marry broke up with me, my sister died of cancer at the age of 34 and I lost my home not once but twice (we will get to all of that). Now here I am at the gynecologist's office awaiting what I can only assume to be more bad news.

See, several years ago I was diagnosised with HPV, a sexually transmitted disease that effects 1 in 4 women and probably just as many men (there is currently no approved test for men). The doctor said, "Let's wait and see if it clears on it's own." So we did. The virus created dysplasia (mutated cells) within the cervix and they assured me it would lead to cancer unless we did a procedure to remove the inner lining of the cervix. Trusting the doctor, I agreed. While it did clear the problem, it returned a year later, worse than before. That's when I realized the doctor's approach was a cover up of the symptoms and I needed to get to the root of the problem. I denied another procedure.

Waiting at the gynocologist's office, I was hoping for the best and preparing for the worse. My fears were confirmed. The dysplasia was still present at a rating of CIN3 (there are only 3 stages, before it becomes cancer). I explained to her that I didn't want to do another procedure and was hoping to explore alternative therapies. She spent the next 20 mintues lecturing me on how natural therapies don't work. And that if I didn't have the procedure done, I would get cancer. The only other option she offered was to "pop out a couple babies real quick" so she could give me a hysterectomy. Seriously! So one month after my sister died of cancer, I found myself with the possibility of facing the same disease. (Take a deep breath now.)

I listened to the doctor spit her statistics, explaining that 95% of HPV cases clear themselves. I am of the 5% that did not. Of those 5%, the procedure I had clears 98% of cases. I am the 2% that did not.  I asked her if she would be willing to monitor me as I explored alternative therapies. Her fear of getting sued for malpractice was so great (even as I assured her I had no desire to sue her and didn't even have a lawyer), she wouldn't agree to keep me as a patient unless I agreed to the procedure. I explained I don't believe in the procedure. She said it's not about belief, it's about scientific fact. She's partially right. Whether it's chemotherapy or an herbal remedy, if you don't believe in it, it won't work. However, it is wise to back up your beliefs with scientific research.

So, here we go. This blog is my story, a love letter, a research paper, the proof behind my beliefs and the chronicles of my journey as I learn to take back control of my own health, let go of the shame associated with HPV, and find a path to healing that I believe in. My hope is to share my story so other's feel more comfortable to share their own. I want to educate other's so they have more information to make decisions about their health. I want to empower people to connect with their intuition and trust in the amazing healing powers within each and every one of us.  

With Love and Light, Courtney

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